Buyshit Elves Profiles: the Heroes of the Buyshit Season

With the Buyshit season nearly at an end, I thought it would be appropriate to profile some of the underappreciated elves who make it all possible. If it were not for their hard work, we would not awake this coming Christmas morning to a plethora of goodies under the tree. Here is the first installment of Buyshit Elves Profiles: the Heroes of the Buyshit Season.

Name: Weidong Liu
Hometown: Foshan, Republic of China

Background:
I started as an agrarian worker at a factory farm outside of the small southern Chinese city Foshan. In 2006, I moved my wife and son to Guangzhou to seek a better life in one of the city's growing number of factories. There, I found work at Guangzhou BYD, Ltd., a plastics molding company in Guangzhou Industrial Park, where I remain employed to this day.

What Do You Make?
I don't really know what this shit is. Guangzhou BYD is a contract injection molding and assembly company. Most of our shit is exported to the USA. Actually, I have a funny story about that. I was working a line where we would make these clear plastic apparatuses that look like test tubes. I would imagine scientists in the USA mixing chemicals in them and inventing amazing things. I wanted to go to the USA to work with them. One day I was goofing around, wearing my white factory worker smock and some safety goggles and pretending to mix chemicals in two of the tubes. The guys started laughing at me, but after I stopped the joke the laughing didn't stop. All day they were teasing me and giggling behind my back. So the next day I come in and they're still laughing. I didn't get it. Finally my buddy Changye put me out of my misery. He was walking a stack of pallets back to the shipping dock and when he passed my station he leaned over to me and said, "it's for your pecker, dude." I was so embarrased. I looked on one of the packages and saw the silhouette of a sexy man and woman and realized it was some kind of sex toy. I later found out they call it a "penis pump." That is supposedly what the package says, but I don't know English. Anyway, I was embarrassed but I laugh about it now.

What Is Your Job Like?
It beats the farm job I had before. Sometimes I just don't get it though. I mean, I can go home and fuck my wife and I don't need a special pump or a thing stuck in my ass. But if someone somewhere in the world wants the shit I make so they can get off, I will continue to make it. We're making these things now where there's this rubbery shit with glitter suspended inside. I work the glitter injector. I don't know what it is for, they say they are called butt plugs. What the fuck is a butt plug? I drink tea to unplug my butt, so why would I want to plug it with a glitter thing? So I can drink more tea? I tried searching the internet to see butt plugs or penis pumps in action, but the government blocks all the sites that would have that sort of thing. I took some butt plugs home to see if my wife had any ideas, and she just gave them to my son and he chews on them. I hope they don't have lead paint on them, but I'm sure the government would warn us if they did.

What Do You Do for Fun?
Before I got the job at the factory, I liked riding my bicycle and painting. I also liked to take my son to the carousel in the city. Now I mostly just work late and watch TV.

Thank you Weidong for sharing your story with us!