Today on my way to work I saw a dude wearing those old stone washed type of jeans that had the elastic bands at the ankles. Then I saw another dude wearing a Hard Rock Cafe jacket. Then I had a premonition that the band Glass Tiger was planning a reunion.

When I sat down at my desk and started reading email, one of the messages was a cc from a co-worker who always accidentally addresses this guy named Doug as "Dough." It is hilarious because she's done it a few times, as in "Dough, I've gone ahead and installed blah blah blah..."

I sued this tire distributor down in Rochester, Minnesota because he had refused to pay me $250 on a warranty claim I had made after having agreed to pay twice. It was a big clusterfuck the way it all ended up down in Rochester, when the shitheads at Cooper Tire and Rubber should have been the ones to pay. After acting really angry and agressive for 15 minutes, the distributor guy finally agreed to pay me $250 and deal with Cooper through his company channels. I don't know why I am bringing it up here, other than to have another chance to get a dig in on the shitheads at Cooper Tire. Defective tires can cause loss of life if they fail at highway speeds. I don't think many people really consider how important the rubber on their cars is. Apparently Cooper Tire feels it is a risk worth taking, given the treatment I received when I tried to get them to act. I'll never take tire purchases lightly again.

It cost me about $100 to file in Olmsted County conciliation court if you include fees and gas money. So I am ahead on it in the end, but I think I will just donate the $250 to some cause like an animal charity.

Today I learned that the long hose that firefighting helicopters with onboard tanks use to suck up water is called the "donkey dick." Obviously the name comes from the appearance of the hose, but I tried to come up with an acronym for it. There was an interview on the radio this morning where the interviewee pronounced the acronym WRFA as "werfa." It reminded me of how some people pronounce all acronyms as words while others do only if it sounds good. I'm sure the guy got tired of saying W-R-F-A all the time and had to switch to werfa, but he sounded kinda dorky. He sounded like he was trying to warn everyone in the room that he was about to fart or something. Anyway, so what does DONKEYDICK stand for?

The best I could do was DNKEDC - Dirigible Nautical Kit for Extinguishing Delinquent Campfires. Usage example: If it weren't for the donkey dick, our vacation would have been ruined.

Perhaps you can do better...

Speaking of acronyms, the latest TITSUP (Tantalizing Information Tidbit on a Sad, Unfortunate Passing) news is about Pope John Paul II, who went tits up about two years ago. It seems he is on the fast track to sainthood, in part because of a miracle that was attributed to his buried corpse. Some nun prayed to him and found herself cured of parkinson's disease. Now there is a dossier about it and committee meetings to discuss the beatification and canonization of the former pope. WTF? A miracle? If there is such a formal process with dossiers and shit for canonizing people as saints, does it include investigation into the validity and feasibility of the claims? What if they make him a saint and she gets her parkinson's back? Shit, I'm going to start praying to the tits up pope to see if my hair will grow back.