Logs and Parfaits In the Park

Why is it every piece of mail I receive arrives in pristine condition except for the one that says, "do not bend?" My 8x10 print of Estadio Azteca from Snapfish.com has a nice crease through the middle. What in the goddam fuck does a guy got to do to get a break? I just need to stop buying things.

If I had a million dollars, I would sue the fuck out of people. I would sue companies too. The reason? People are assholes, and assholes deserve to be sued. I would sue my neighbor for being an asshole. I would sue my boss because he wears pleated dress pants that make his ass look like a fluffy pillow. I would sue every phone company for their bad customer service. I would sue Debbie Gibson for ruining my teenage fantasy of her by becoming a Bible thumper. It turns out I can shake your love, baby.

Ha fucking ha ha, it finally happened! Today we had a mandatory meeting at work to explain to everyone that some of our servers had been sabotaged. This is on the heels of two of my coworkers getting fired this week for undisclosed reasons. I have warned people here at work several times that the biggest security threat to our systems is not hackers in China like they think, but people here in the building. Within the last two weeks, we have had an intern accidentally shut off our database server, a Windows server that was compromised in such a way that a dude was fired (you pretty much have to be serving kiddie porn or something equally bad to get fired around here), and now a disgruntled employee or two have allegedly sabotaged a server. What's funny about it all is that one of the major projects I am working on is to build redundancy into some of our systems so that they can tolerate hardware failures. No amount of redundancy can cover up for bad physical security. So I can spend the rest of my life making sure that a server can withstand a network failure, a power outage, or a hard drive failure but it can all come crashing down when someone walks into the server room and unplugs the server.

I'm not pissed though. It is hilarious seeing everyone running around being secretive and gossiping and stuff. I feel like Jack Nicholson's character in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, watching with glee as all the crazies run around and make a mess.

I take my dog to an off-leash park after work every day. Every day there, she poops twice. The first time it is the standard dog log. The second time she makes more of a parfait, gooey with maybe a green or yellow dollop on top. I call it "Logs and Parfaits In the Park."

The World Cup

The World Cup this year was, in my opinion, the most underwhelming tournament in a while. The reffing sucked, of course, but for me the biggest blight on the 2006 World Cup was the diving Italian wankers. They took the flowing game of soccer and reduced it to minute-long snips of action punctuated by diving and fouls and stretchers. Except for the final and the semifinal against Germany, every game they played in was an insult to the fans. And it wasn't just the Italians, but they were certainly the worst.

The American media have been a lot better at covering the World Cup this time around. I think the old-guy sports writer rant about low scoring and foreigners that used to be published in every newspaper in the country has finally worn out. There were not nearly as many of them this time around. The future of sports in America is in the youth, and soccer will figure prominently in that future. Let's take a closer look.

Start with ABC/ESPN play-by-play analyst Dave O'Brien's comments in a USA Today article. Dave O'Brien's first comment about soccer fans is 100% correct. "There's kind of a petulant little clique of soccer fans. There's not many of them, but they're mean-spirited." Most soccer fans who read that seem to have stopped after the first sentence, because there are a lot of them who are all up in arms about it. I guess that just proves the point. But on to the relevant part of the article, where I think O'Brien has completely missed the point.

"Should I explain what (soccer governing body) FIFA is? My 11-year-old daughter doesn't know. If I do that, the clique will say I don't know soccer. But we're putting on a TV product, not a soccer clinic," says O'Brien. That's an old guy response. His 11-year-old daughter, if she cared, would either deduce what FIFA is from hearing "the 2006 FIFA World Cup" repeated over and over during the broadcast, would piece it together after watching games and recaps and reading articles, or as a last resort she would just Google it. The people watching the games do not exist in a vacuum. They don't restrict their World Cup consumption to the ESPN broadcasts.

Maybe O'Brien was referring to how the game should be marketed to old guys. I haven't seen detailed demographic breakdowns of the World Cup viewership numbers, but an article at Media Life Magazine's site indicates that the majority of the growth in viewership over 2002 was in the younger age groups. Keep in mind that the growth viewers are the ones who supposedly need the educating. The people who watched in 2002 presumably know what FIFA is. So O'Brien's educating needs to focus on the youth, and I think he is underestimating them.

As far as viewership numbers go, the New York Times had a piece on the subject. What is exciting about this is that with that sort of growth and the fact that most of the growth is happening at the lower age brackets, the 2010 World Cup is sure to be even bigger. If I knew of a way to invest in soccer media futures, I'd do it now.

I watched the Italy-France final at the Nomad World Pub in Minneapolis. The place was packed, and as I looked around I noted that most of the people in attendance looked to be in their early 20's. Sure, the older folks were probably at home watching or something, but it is the youth who set the trends. In four years, old sports writers complaining about low scoring and hooligans will appear even more antiquated.

Bits On Germany

One of my favorite things to do while traveling is to head out on my own with a destination in mind but no firm plan as to how I will get there. Invariably I wander into areas that tourists don't usually see. I like to rely upon myself to figure out the transit systems, the culture, and the food.

For two and a half weeks in Germany this past June, I didn't get to do as much of that as I had hoped. The only time I had alone was a day in Berlin, where I took a commuter train up to a northern suburb of the city that was also the home to Sachsenhausen Death Camp.

I like to take present observations about people and geography and consider them within a historical context. I expected Germany to have a lot to offer in that vein, but at times I got the feeling something was being withheld from me. More on that below...

Here are some random thoughts about Germany and the German people:

• I can do without most of the comforts of home. In fact, that is a big part of travel for me. But when it is 84°F outside, open the damn windows. And in all the time I was in Germany I saw only two fans, and one of them was not turned on. Open the windows and turn the fan on. It is not much to ask.


• Deutsche Bahn - the national railway operator of Germany is a for-profit that is owned by the national government. It has all the feeling of a government bureaucracy with ridiculous high prices. There are benefits afforded by having a stable, centralized railway, but it is a monopoly and monopolies suck. Those 300km/h trains rock, but figure out a way to get some competition in there.


• Food - I suspect a lot of people find German food bland and boring, but I had some outstanding rahmschnitzel (a breaded pork chop), puten geschnetzeltes (chicken medalions with gravy), and spätzle (egg and flour noodles with gravy). The bratwurst mit brötchen (bratwurst in a little bread roll) was always good, but predictable. The problem was that it was hard to find the good stuff. I thought I'd find spätzle everywhere, but I saw it only once in Stuttgart.


• The people - almost everyone I encountered was polite and friendly. There were a few who seemed to be tired of all the tourists everywhere. Others went out of their way to help. Most people, however, seemed to avoid eye contact unless you were speaking with them. Walking down the street, I found few people looking my way as I passed. So that's where Minnesotan's got that behavior...


• Women - wow, I saw some damn hot women in Cologne and Berlin. Not so much in Stuttgart, Heidelberg, and Hamburg. In Cologne especially it was fun just to walk about and see all the beautiful people.


• Dyed red hair and blond highlights - WTF? There were middle-aged fraus with dyed reddish-purple hair. There were college-aged chicks with black hair and a hideous swath of blond on the front or to the side. Additionally, I saw some pretty bad fashion ensembles. It seemed to be a subset of the population that was afflicted with this disease.


• Cars - I visited the Porsche and Mercedes museums in Stuttgart, the latter of which was pretty good. I like the style of European cars. Now it looks like DiamlerChrysler is bringing the Smart forTwo here to the States. As always, Alfa Romeo is threatening to return to the US. If only we could get Citroën and Puegeot as well. Ever since Saab was GM'ed and Subaru added a marketing department we've had a dearth of quirky automobiles here.


• The whole Nazi thing - I know we're not supposed to talk about this, but I'm going to bring it up anyway. The thing is, as an American who loves history I wanted to get a view of Germany's past up close. For the most part the Hitler years are easy to find in museums and the like. But I found most of it to be sterilized, and probably rightfully so. I remember being moved as I walked through the holocaust museum in Washington, DC. But the places in Germany seemed more matter-of-fact about it all. Maybe I have just become desensitized.

  I think the thing that I had trouble understanding was the big gap in the German psyche that was in place. I don't expect people to embrace this part of their history or flaunt it, no way. That's what makes it hard for me to interpret it, however. History is evident in every person and every country on Earth, so when I looked at the people hoping for a glimpse of their shame or shock of their past I was surprised not to see something. My mistake, of course, was expecting people to dwell on it in some way. They seem to have coped with things and moved on. In a way, however, I think the Nazis stole something from the German people. There is a period of their history that they cannot deny but for which they cannot claim pride, hardship, perseverance, ingenuity, tragedy (this is well beyond tragedy), or patriotism. All of the things that are great about history are missing, so it almost seems as though the Germany you visit today skips from Mercedes and Benz pioneering the automobile to the fall of the Berlin wall and everyone finally getting on with life. The ugly period in between is documented in the museums and on the monuments, but it doesn't live on the streets. Or at least they kept it concealed while I was there.

  I really hope that all makes sense. I like that the German monuments stress that we should never forget what happened. I wish I could have taken something tangible home with me because I think we could use some of that reminder here in the US.



• The man-shaft - ha ha, the German word for "team" is "mannschaft." It was good for a few jokes. Seriously, though, it was good to see Grinsi Klinsi (national team coach Jürgen Klinsmann) overcome the fear, uncertainty, and doubt and put together a team that inspired the country to a new sense of national pride. People were wearing the colors and waving flags everywhere. Germany is a beautiful country. I hope the German people learn from their team to open up and have fun. The only things holding them back is themselves.

  A woman I spoke to on a train told me that the Germans are not usually as open and friendly as they were since the World Cup had started. She said that they were usually more cold and reserved. I could see it in them too. There seemed to be some apprehensiveness in them about how to deal with the attention of the world and the presence of so many people from all over. I wanted to take them all and shake them and say, "it's ok, have fun and be proud." You could really see the younger people taking up the mantle as Germany advanced through the tournament. It reminds me of France in 1998 and South Korea in 2002. In 1998 the French had a bit of an identity crisis with all of the immigrants and the political tension it was creating. They still do, actually. But the sons of immigrants on the team that took them all the way to the final were suddenly national heroes and a few barriers were broken down. In Korea, the country had a huge inferiority complex and wanted desperately to show the world that they were viable and prosperous. For both countries, it was fun to see the people come together, put their problems behind for a time, and share the moment. I hope, even though the Germans were eliminated in the semifinals, that the World Cup will help them open up a little more to the world.



• Americans do not hate soccer - on a few occasions Germans tried to tell us that Americans do not like soccer. I suspect that their media portray us as a bunch of Super Bowl loving freaks. But I don't think they understand what it is like in a country as big and diverse as the US. There are a lot of people who like soccer in addition to football and other sports. Additionally, a large portion of the fans supporting other teams were Americans. Many of the Mexicans and Brasilians I encountered spoke perfect US English. They're Americans supporting another team for any number of reasons. And who can forget the thousands who showed up in red, white, and blue to cheer the US? There are a lot of soccer fans in the US, but no one has figured out how to market to them on the whole.


• George W. Bush - a funny question I was asked on a few different occasions was, "You do not like Bush, do you?" They seemed embarassed to be asking it. They couldn't seem to understand how anyone could support the guy so they wanted to ask. Germany, here's your answer: Americans do not like Bush either. He gets something like a 31% approval rating in the polls, which for practical purposes is the same as zero in the real world. That 31% includes his friends, ideologues, and American Idol fans, and they cannot be counted on to form rational opinions. So Germany, please understand: America Hates Bush!

I think my next post is going to have to be a rant about airlines and the TSA. The fucking TSA.