Look It Up

Birds begin chirping in the morning at different times because of the height at which they are perched. Birds higher in the trees see sunlight over the horizon sooner than those lower down. They wait until they see the light because singing in the dark would attract predators to them when they can't see as well. Look it up.

If there were a Swiss cheese flavored corn puff snack, that is, if such a thing were viable in the snack foods marketplace, it would be called Swissitos.

As an employee of a public university, I work with a number of potheads. Lately they've been pissing me off. Potheads are in this eternal state of slow dumbass. I'm tired of explaining things twice. I'm tired of the mood swings. The impatience. I think someone wished one time that all of the potheads would just go away somewhere and get the hell out of the way. The public universities of the USA are where they all went.

It has been a while since I have written anything about outstanding treats. Today I walked to work. I stopped at Dunn Bros. Coffee along the way and picked up a cup o' coffee and a peanut butter brownie. I'd been looking at those brownies for some time wondering how they'd be. They're made by French Meadow Bakery so you almost cannot go wrong. Well, I am here to say that the peanut butter brownie is another outstanding treat. It is the sort of thing that is worth going out of your way to get. And if you do, bring two or three friends to share it with you. Not only is it amazingly smooth and chocolatey, it is so rich that you start feeling a little sick after only a few bites. Holy shit what a treat.

Walking down University Avenue I crossed paths with an interesting character. She was a normal looking woman of no more than 4' 6" in height and she had a longsword strapped on her back and a laptop case over her shoulder. The sword was strapped on at an angle so that it wouldn't drag on the ground but also so it looked like it was at the ready. The best part was that she was walking with confidence and a slight smile. I don't know why she had a sword, but I could tell she had a sense of humor about it.

Controlling your money gives you power as a consumer. You decide when and on what you will spend it. One of the most powerful things you can do as a consumer is to have some money saved up but to not spend it on anything. Instead of going to the companies because they have something you want, you make them come to you by lowering prices, making better products, running sales, and so on. One of the reasons Apple is so successful with the iPod is that they have a seXXy product that everyone wants but not everyone can afford or find in stock at a store. They have the upper hand. Now if people were to start saying to themselves, "I want an iPod, but I think I'll just sit on my $500 for a while and think about it," Apple would be forced to look for more ways to entice customers to spend. It is a better position to be in, on the side where you call the shots.

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If you eat at Don Pablo's, the terrorists have won. I cannot understand why so much of the population considers places like Don Pablo's, Olive Garden, and Cracker Barrel "good eatin'." Bullshit. It is contrived crap that comes off a Sysco truck. Go out and try something new. Maybe your mommy didn't cook anything other than bland meat and potatoes when you were growing up, but you're an adult now and you can try new things. Italian food doesn't always have to have red sauce. Mexican meals don't always have to start with a basket of chips that have been cooking under a heat lamp for hours and served with watery bland salsa in a little brown plastic "adobe" bowl. In fact, any place where you get a blinking pager and have to wait 45 minutes to an hour for a table is cockslobbering bullshit. There are so many good places to eat out there. Small places with great Mexican, Indian, Thai, Middle Eastern, Italian, French, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, or even African food. If your idea of great pad thai is the shitslop they serve at Noodles & Company, get the hell out of here, right now. Go bother this guy instead. I never want to see you here again. If you are afraid to eat at a place where the wait staff speak English as a second language, the terrorists have won.

Here I Go With the Childish Crap Again

I like to characterize processes with steps, so here are the steps to losing respect for your boss:

1. You give him/her the benefit of the doubt, but you start to question why.


2. You start complaining about him/her with certain coworker friends. You start trying to get other coworkers to see his/her mistakes.


3. You cross the line of no return: you start to make jokes about your boss and maybe even doctor some pictures of him or her to look funny.


4. You've come a long way, kid. When you start making jokes about your boss's bodily functions, you've reached the pinnacle of boss denigration.

Here's the childish part. My coworkers and I have come up with some names for some of the boss's body parts. He has a turtle, a cheeseburger, and a peanut.

I think I am getting dumber.

Food for Thought

Since I've taken to buying food locally at small shops, I've been having a great time putting together my own recipe ideas. I've been telling anyone who will listen that the best stuff is not at the local supermarket, it is in those small stores that white people are afraid to go into.

My most recent shopping trip found me at the Eastside Food Co-op for some of the basics and then to Patel Groceries (an Indian grocery shop) for some paneer and nan and a box of cardamom cookies. Other places I like to go are the restaurant Mexico y Mexico for some frozen tamales, Kramarczuk's Polish deli for brats, a Korean grocery on 44th and Central, and Morey's Fish House in Motley, MN for some smoked lake trout and marinated salmon steaks.

What do you get for all this trouble? First, there is no temptation to buy Doritos and Coke because they don't sell it at these places. People never want to believe me, but I spend about half as much on groceries since I stopped going to Cub because I don't buy all the junk food that ends up in your cart after a trip through the store. I spend less despite the fact that much of the stuff you buy at a co-op costs more.

Second, the food is better for you. The Co-op has better quality stuff. An $8 pack of bison stew meat is much more lean and tasty than a $6 pack of beef stew meat at Cub. I eat better as a result of going to the Co-op because I don't buy so much junk food any more. I never walk away from a meal feeling like I've got a gut bomb in my stomach.

Third, and this is the best part, is that I have taken an interest in the stuff that I prepare for myself. With a block of paneer cheese, some yogurt, masala paste, peas, potatoes, and cashew bits, you've got yourself an amazing Indian mutter paneer dish with leftovers. It takes like 10 minutes to prepare. Kramarczuk's brats or Morey's salmon on the grill are unbeatable. Pizzas with cornbread crust and freshly grated mozzarella from the Co-op are just as fast and taste better than a frozen deal from the supermarket. When you get involved with the preparation of your meals like this it really adds to the pleasure.

On an ending note, I've been buying bison meat in place of beef, first because I never really cared for beef and second because I believe bison is a more viable livestock here in the midwest. It costs more, but I see it sorta like buying the higher quality beef cuts. It is more lean, of course, and the flavor really comes out when you grill it over wood or with hickory or mesquite chips and charcoal. Now when I eat beef I always notice the greasy texture and it is a turnoff. There are health benefits to eating more lean meat. To me it is a matter of putting your money where your mouth is. Someone has to buy the stuff to give it a foothold in the marketplace. With time, the prices will come down.

The 20/80 Rule

I've been working on a theory about the way things work. It is based on some loose and sometimes unverifiable numbers, but bear with me.

The 20/80 rule is a basic rule of things pertaining to culture and marketing. I came up with it when I was debating beer with a friend. His beer of choice is MGD Lite and he tried to justify himself by saying something to the effect that 80% of all beer drinkers choose Bud, Miller or Coors. The major brands of those three breweries do in fact hold some 80% of the beer market share. This guy travels a lot and portrays himself as some sort of international savvy traveler, so I knew my response would strike a chord. Somewhere I had heard that only 20% of Americans hold valid passports, so I explained that those same 80% who drink shit beer have also never been outside of the country. It worked.

I've been applying the 20/80 observation to other aspects of culture. If I cared enough I might go out and dig up some statistics, but as a general idea it is fun to just apply the rule to things that you hear or read. I know that independent music labels have somewhere around 20% market share. I guess the rule is a way of quantifying something I've always known. There is a minority alternative culture of people who seek out the finer things in life. They are the progressives. The people who like to try new things.

The 80 percent-ers would call those people snobs. They would tend to stick to things that are safe and familiar. They are the bread-and-butter customers of network TV, popular music, chain restaurants, and so on.

This is not a political thing. Although there may be a political tendencies among the groups, I think it is mostly a division between the 80% middle of the road people and the 20% liberal/conservative extremists. Some people prefer mediocrity and complacency, others prever adventure and challenge.

Let me know what you think. I'd be interested to hear if anyone else has some similar observations.

Scratch That, the President Is a Fucking Goddamn Liar

You gotta read this. Be sure to watch the video on the left side too. This is proof that the President is a liar, and a fucking poor one at that. How many families have been destroyed by his lies? How many children has he killed? We have a crisis in the White House.

Let the spin begin. You know they're going to blitz the media with "talking points" attacking their foes to try to cover this up.

Clinton was impeached for getting a BJ from an intern and lying about it. No one died. No families lost their homes. No corporations were awarded billions of dollars in government contracts. Gas and oil prices did not go up. Why is Bush still in office? Because we're all afraid of how terrible Cheney would be as president.

I feel it coming. My faith in our democracy is being restored. I think Bush will go down in flames and order will be restored. I just have not been patient enough. I need to be patient. The democracy will soft-correct itself in time.